Chariots of Fire?
So I went running the other day. You know, trying to get back in shape and all. And while I'm running, I notice a smoky scent wafting toward my nostrils.
"It's not a burn day today, is it?" I pondered. Looking around, I saw no telltale piles of smoldering leaves lingering about anywhere. And yet, I still smelled something burning.
I kept running - pretty darn proud of the job I was doing, not having passed out and dropped to the ground or anything - and I began to notice a bit of a haze making its way up from the ground into my line of sight, and again my nostrils were assaulted by the smoldering pestilence. So I stopped running for a minute, in an attempt to ascertain exactly where this smoke was coming from. But then the smoke dissipated, as well as the odoriferous eminations which accompanied it.
Having thought nothing of it, I picked up and carried on with my jog, only to be molested, once again, by the smoke and haze.
I stopped... no more smoke. I ran again... more smoke.
At long last - and quite out of breath due to the extra strain of stopping and starting a ridiculous number of times - I ordered a cease and desist agaisnt my futile attempt at exercise. In frustration, I rested my hands on my thighs and bent down to catch my breath for a minute.
It was then that I noticed what had been eluding me for the past 10 minutes. How it escaped my attention I'll never know. But as I looked down, inhaling some extra oxygen for my tired body, I noticed the bright orange - and, at that point, faintly flickering flames - dancing skyward from between my legs.
That's right... the friction from my ample thighs was just enough to, over the course of 15 minutes, start a full on, smores-roasting, miniature campfire right where the chub meets.
Sweet. Where are the marshmallows when you need them?
Mystery solved, embarrassment at its peak, I decided to suck it up and run the rest of the way home, straddling an imaginary tight rope for the rest of the trip, determined to keep Smoky the Bear at bay.
Next stop: Walgreens... aisle 7... Desitin creamy.
Oh joy.
"It's not a burn day today, is it?" I pondered. Looking around, I saw no telltale piles of smoldering leaves lingering about anywhere. And yet, I still smelled something burning.
I kept running - pretty darn proud of the job I was doing, not having passed out and dropped to the ground or anything - and I began to notice a bit of a haze making its way up from the ground into my line of sight, and again my nostrils were assaulted by the smoldering pestilence. So I stopped running for a minute, in an attempt to ascertain exactly where this smoke was coming from. But then the smoke dissipated, as well as the odoriferous eminations which accompanied it.
Having thought nothing of it, I picked up and carried on with my jog, only to be molested, once again, by the smoke and haze.
I stopped... no more smoke. I ran again... more smoke.
At long last - and quite out of breath due to the extra strain of stopping and starting a ridiculous number of times - I ordered a cease and desist agaisnt my futile attempt at exercise. In frustration, I rested my hands on my thighs and bent down to catch my breath for a minute.
It was then that I noticed what had been eluding me for the past 10 minutes. How it escaped my attention I'll never know. But as I looked down, inhaling some extra oxygen for my tired body, I noticed the bright orange - and, at that point, faintly flickering flames - dancing skyward from between my legs.
That's right... the friction from my ample thighs was just enough to, over the course of 15 minutes, start a full on, smores-roasting, miniature campfire right where the chub meets.
Sweet. Where are the marshmallows when you need them?
Mystery solved, embarrassment at its peak, I decided to suck it up and run the rest of the way home, straddling an imaginary tight rope for the rest of the trip, determined to keep Smoky the Bear at bay.
Next stop: Walgreens... aisle 7... Desitin creamy.
Oh joy.
posted by *beatrice at 9/23/2005 01:29:00 PM
1 Comments:
Hello -> *be rice <- I just wanted to let you know that Chariots of Fire? was an interesting read and well presented. Just my two cents.
Regards,
Recursive Self Improvement
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